Time to wrap this thing up.

Okay, it’s been over a week since we landed here. For now i'm done. Wait a while, please, before asking me if i'll set sail again. I’ve been busy catching up with chores on Akimbo and connecting with a few old friends. Back and forth to a sail loft, i really was lucky to make the sails last another 7000 miles. If Akimbo could, she’d wonder why we aren’t underway again...i kept us movin' more than i tho't i would. But maybe that’s my nature, and me being alone. There’s no hurry now. I'm back.

I’ve been flailing at this final blog entry tho. The entries about day to day events frame themselves. This one, looking for a conclusion, expands beyond any frame i can hold. I wax profound about way too much when i should let the previous pages speak for themselves. A journey is the oldest metaphor for life. Change the landscapes of life to seascapes, much more dynamic, each wave unique, wakes disappearing...you wouldn't believe all the pages i've pushed right past coherence. I want to share so much, but i want to get my ego out of the way.

I got lucky, okay? Really lucky. To manifest this dream and to survive it. Reality, of course, turned out to be different than the dream. Some of us don't have to take a big trip to meet life's unknowns and adventures, which are always close by anyway. Others of us rely on changing scenery like a crutch to find perspectives we didn't have. Or didn't know we had. A dear friend just wrote to me "Fulfilling a dream is anything but running away. It's opening your arms to the universe and saying 'show me what you've got!'" That about says it. I was seeking to meet and be met by life’s changing. "Out there” will always call me in one form or another. Even in the form of “in here.” That sounds like i was looking for direction. Maybe i sought certain knowledge that i truly wanted to come back. Back to...heart. I am feeling grateful for this trip and that feels good. Maybe NOW i can move on from this dream and give more grace to each moment. Each heart beat.

I can't help looking back tho, and feeling a little pride (or some confidence regained). What i see most is STARS! I see seascapes, calm and stormy. I see ancient footpaths still well worn. I see phosphorescence wrapped around porpoise bodies undulating with powerful ease. I see the deepest blue that can only be found in the oceans. My skin recalls warm water so buoyant. I see faces opening at recognition even from a stranger. I hear the melody of a new language. Finally i feel support and trust from the people i love and who love me. Thank you. I want to take you all to Panama's San Blas Islands.

It turns out that going for this sail wasn’t leaving tho it looked that way. I may feel closer to the edge of life than the heart of it now. After all, the horizon presents an edge and that's where i’ve been for thirteen months, seven of them alone. Likely i’ll feel closer in soon. But i had to go “out there" before i could come back. Back to belonging. Belonging in a life i no longer have to recognize. We all have to go “out there” someday and NOT come back. I guess i’ve been practicing.

Happy sails to you,
jon